I’m in one of my moods where I haven’t felt like dealing much with the opposite sex.  I’ve contemplated changing the number on my cell phone, and just not giving it out to anyone but my friends and family.  Haven’t done it though.

I’m still doing whatever I’m doing with DCP.  It’s been a month and a halfish since I last saw him, but my money is gone and he’s not giving me any for gas so whatevs.

The Asshole has briefly been in touch with me.  Whatevs pt. 2.  Just made me feel bad for not “mourning our love” (yes those are his words) when we broke up.  To break it down easier, when we broke up, I fucked DCP, Asshole came around and asked me if I had sex with anyone.  I had and told him so.  That made him angry because in the month and a half that we haven’t spoken, I was just supposed to stay celibate.  Whatevs pt. 3.

Why is it that the last couple of guys I’ve talked to (I haven’t mentioned them to friends, or here because there was nothing to speak of really) don’t drive or have jobs?  This is standard stuff, people.  Granted, I don’t have a job, but it’s not by choice and I’m getting the feeling these moes just don’t want to work.  DCP is included in that.

I’m not jaded.  Seriously, I still believe in love considering all the assholery.  But I am feeling a bit down in the dumps about guys at the mo’.  Although I have to say, today i was in the grocery store and this couple, I’d say they were in their 30′s totally hated each other.  The hate the wife had in her voice when she ordered her husband to “come here” made me cringe.  I was happy to be single at that moment.

Perhaps they worked it out later.  I’d like to think so.

DCP:  I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want you to over-think it or panic.

Me:  You know that’s making me want to panic already, right?

DCP:  Yeah and you’ll want to run away.

Me:  Just tell me…

DCP:  What would you do if I dropped the “L” word on you?

Me:  …… you mean l-i-k-e?

DCP:  No….

Me:  *cricket cricket*

I should really try to make myself less lovable.  I’m kidding.  The real problem is *cringe* I still love The Asshole.  I know I know.  Trust me, anything you are thinking I’ve already berated myself over.  It doesn’t help that every once in a while he contacts me.

The latest was a late-night call which was very quick, but basically telling me he’s going to call me this weekend.  Sad thing is I’m looking forward to it, but dreading it at the same time.  Damnit.  I don’t know what to do.

Anyway DCP is right… I do feel like I want to run away.   I ain’t no puta, I keep my pajamas clean.  No running for me…

I mentioned earlier that The Meathead was back in my life.  From the beginning my Spidey-sense was telling me that this go ’round wasn’t going to be much different from our last non-fling.

Seriously, he stumbles back into my life throwing gag-me-with-a-spoon compliments and expects me to rip off my clothes.  Maybe I’m exaggerating just a hair.   Somehow I doubt it though.

After our brief re-introduction to each other, we have a phone conversation.  I personally thought it went rather well.  We talked about a number of things, caught up on each other’s life, etc.  We hang up and I’m thinking, “Hey, that went pretty well.”

I get a text from him a minute later that says, “That sexy lil voice of yours is tempting.”

What the bleep, man?  Tempting for what, exactly?  We had a nice conversation that in no way was sexually arousing.  Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?  Against my better judgement, I agree to go out on a date with him Wednesday, which he cancelled and made plans for Thursday.

After being a few hours late, he tells me he’s on his way here.  I tell him I need some time to “get cute”.    He send me a text that says, “Gettin all pretty.  Shaved  and all.”

…..?

<insert massive eye-roll here>

Whatevs.  He comes over, we sit down on the couch for 2 hours and talk.  He keeps touching me.  I should clarify and say tickling.  Every time I make a small cutting sarcastic remark, he reacts by tickling.  For the LOVE of bob…

As politely as I can, I eventually usher him to the door.  He turns to give me a hug which I return.  I let go first but he still has his arms around me like he wanted to kiss me.  I reach over, and open the door.  AWKWARD.

He leaves saying we’ll have to hang out again.  I’m thinking this is farewell, Meathead.  Be breezy.

Speaking of whore, I got called one last week or so ago.  To briefly summarize, The Asshole and I were actually boyfriend and girlfriend for a total of about two weeks.  It didn’t end well, but I should say he is the one that left me.

A month after all that happened, he sends me a text basically asking if I had slept with anyone since we’ve split.  I told him I had, and with who.  He called me a whore.

…?

Apparently I was supposed to wait around for him to decide to speak to me again all chaste like.  Not gonna happen.  I love the penis too much.  Which is why DCP happend in my last entry.  And again this past weekend.

In other news The Meathead has made reappearance in my life.   I got a random text message from him on Monday.  Supposedly he had lost my number blah blah blah.  Whatever.

We totally have a date planned though.  It was supposed to be today, but he cancelled and replanned for tomorrow.  We’ll see.  I’m not holding my breath.

That’s my vagina giving praise to a fabulous weekend.  DCP, you are a blessed man and my vagina thanks you.  I’m glad we broke our streak.  We’re now up to 5 times in one night.

*doing the snoopy dance*

I really have nothing else to say.

SSSSIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHH….

I will say I have a celebration coming up this weekend, and I’m super excited about that!  I’m going away this weekend with my girls ala Sex in the City.  Oh yeah baby.  The WHOLE WEEKEND!

My goal:  drink drink drink, dance dance dance, bounce up on it, drink dance bounce, drink dance bounce.  Make out with a random guy in the corner while drinking, dancing, and bouncing.

I have special birthday panties (yes, my birthday is tomorrow, shout-out!) for my night out.  They are cute boy-cut panties, black with cherries on them, and lace up on the sides.

HOT DAMN!

Who wants to take them off me?

In the boys department… meh.  What’s a girl gotta do to get a date around here?  I just want to go out, have fun, maybe get a nice tingly smooch, and go home.  That’s it.  That’s really not too much to ask, is it?

I’m in a bad mood.

Maybe I should be truthful and say that The Asshole has something to do with it.  He suffered a hard personal tragedy recently and that has changed things between us.  He claims that he is incapable of love.   He tells me I shouldn’t love him anymore, and I should move on.

But at the same time he keeps telling me he loves me.  Normally I’d be all over that, but now I find it rather annoying.  Maybe it’s because this is like the third time we’ve been down this road.

I don’t want to be at the bottom of the ocean, waving at everyone else from the watery depths below.

Someone throw me a life preserver, please.

The Asshole is back in my life.  It was bound to happen.  He is my soul-mate after all.  I don’t have anything I feel like reporting on that front right now though.  A lot has happened.

And as for The Meathead, I think that one bit the dust.  We were supposed to hang out yesterday, but he cancelled.  He’s doing a piss-poor job of keeping in contact with me anyway, and I just don’t have time or patience for shenanigans.

DCP… we’ll see how that pans out.  However I am still on the prowl.  Cuz I’m a whore like that.

Meet Meathead.

“Hi Meathead!”

I don’t mean that nickname in a derogatory way.  He’s just into going to the gym, and he’s a big beefy boy.  We went on a date on Monday.  It was a lot of fun.  We hung out for like four hours.

He thinks I’m cute.

And funny.

He thinks my tractor’s sexy.

Sorry, that last line isn’t true.

Anyway, he wants to hang out again, I just don’t know when.  I don’t have a lot to say really on this subject, as it’s so new.  We’ll see how shit be poppin’.

Yo.

It’s a long story, but I’ll shorten it a bit.  He called me up to tell me that he doesn’t think we should be friends anymore.  He said he didn’t want to disappear from my life and not tell me why because that would be rude.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA…

Fucker.

Anyway.  It took him an hour to explain all the reasons why he wants to stop talking to me completely.  Even after we hung up he continued to text me.  In those texts, he gave me ultimatums on how we can keep our “friendship”.

I won’t list them, but they all pertained to sex.

The next day he asked me if I made a decision.  I told him friendships shouldn’t come with ultimatums, this is goodbye.

And that, my friends, is that.